


Change

by Midnightsunflower



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Fluff, Hurt, Larry Stylinson Is Real, M/M, Romance, Ziam Paylik - Freeform, louislovesharry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:02:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24840487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Midnightsunflower/pseuds/Midnightsunflower
Summary: As long as we are breathing it's not too late to change your story.~ Sheri SalataNo matter how much you grow stronger and avoid stuff, certain things or person will keep on coming back to you.And for Harry Styles, it's Louis Tomlinson.
Relationships: Louis Tomlinson|Harry Styles, Zayn Malik|Liam Payne
Comments: 6
Kudos: 6





	1. I keep on coming back to you

**Author's Note:**

> Rewriting this story because two important hoomans in my life wants me to.

**Harry’s POV**

Do you guys wonder about the way life is? Like, it’s never the same for every single person on this planet but the one thing which is for sure is the change we are feeling at certain moments in our life. Sometimes it’s magical and sometimes it’s dreadful. No matter how much change, small or big, one is feeling around them, it does have an impressive influence on us and the one around us. I’m no stranger to change and I seriously cannot believe that I have been dealing with it quite well than I thought. The past few years have been the kind of a ride which I didn’t think would be experiencing it but I still hope for the best and keep moving forward with the wounded soul.

I sighed and looked out at the trees passing by and a few people jogging and doing some other stuff. I ran my hand through my curls and convinced myself that I can still do this college stuff but I was actually this close to dump this and go back to nowhere in this world if it wasn’t for the unknown voice which stopped me.

“We are here, sir.”

I blinked for an appreciable amount of time, taking in all the things around me just to realize that I was already in front of the university building where I’m about to study for the next two years. I paid off the taxi and did all the necessary procedures which has to be done to get me enrolled here.

“The procedure is almost over. I will be right back with your dorm room details and your schedule.” I just curtly nodded to the person, who I guess is a receptionist, as she went inside the office administration room.

The university campus is quite ponderous and commodious with those maintained surroundings and abiding buildings. Students chirping around here and there with their buddies and the worries of the parents who are giving instructions to their son or daughter could all be heard from the place where I’m standing. I chuckled inwardly observing the things around me. I finally got the keys and the schedule for my class which starts in a couple of weeks, I mumbled a small thank you and lead my way out only to stop by a curious little pair of blue eyes, the same kind of blue eyes which ruined me before and a contagious smile which you couldn’t resist.

“Hey, I’m Theo! Do you, by any chance, know where my uncle is?” The little boy with blond hair and squishy cheeks asked me. I raised my brow and looked around, I swear I would have looked like an idiot.

“Oh, he will look like a bigger version of me but he’s a fake blond.” Theo whispered the last part and tried not to giggle much. The description didn’t help much for me to know and possibly tell this little guy about the whereabouts of his uncle so I shook my head and smiled apologetically to which he just nodded and sprinted away even before I could ask any question to him. Is he even safe loitering around a huge campus without being taken care of? I shook my head and carried myself robotically towards the way of boy’s dormitories.

Sometimes even though nothing is happening in our life, the heart pounders inside your chest trying to say something is definitely going to happen but you don’t quite know what is it or how is it going to happen. Maybe, that is what I’m feeling right now. The nonchalant behavior of mine seems to fade off so quickly that I stopped under the shade of a tree and controlled my breathing. I took out my headphones and connected it to my phone with a shaky hand. Music calms me down, I randomly played a song as I belatedly reached the dormitories.

_I know you say you know me, know me well_  
_But these days I don't even know myself, no_  
_I always thought I'd be with someone else_  
_I thought I would own the way I felt, yeah._

_I call you but you never answer_  
_I tell myself I'm done with wicked games_  
_But then I get so numb with all the laughter_  
_That I forget about the pain._

I sighed absentmindedly realizing that my dorm room is somewhere at the end and that I have to walk more as the lyrics assimilated deep inside my mind.

_Whoa, you stress me out, you kill me_ _  
You drag me down, you fuck me up_

The genuine smile, the immense amount of happiness shared just by the presence of each other, the handwritten letters exchanged, the little significant other gifts and so many other things to the hurt, cries, isolation, self-loathing and starvation came right in front of my eyes like a flash. Even after remembering the things which I shouldn’t have, I couldn’t bring myself to stop listening to the song.

_We're on the ground, we're screaming_  
_I don't know how to make it stop_  
_I love it, I hate it, and I can't take it_

I was just a few steps away from reaching my dorm room but I have to consolidate each and every step of mine to actually move forward. I didn’t give that much thought about who will be my roommate but now I really feel for it. The person who made me experience paradise and hell at the same time. The person whom I loved and hated the most in the world. The person I didn't want to see ever again in my life. But no matter how much you grow and avoid stuff, certain things or a person will keep on coming back to you and this is exactly one of those moments, I guess.

_But I keep on coming back to you_

Louis Tomlinson


	2. Over again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry meets Louis and the awkwardness between them begins. Zayn being a supportive friend cheers Harry up.

**Harry's POV**

Emotions. Human beings are blessed or cursed, depending upon how one takes it, with a load of emotions which is to be used in their life. But, in actuality, it can be confusing because sometimes you, as a matter of fact, don’t actually know how to feel or which emotion you should be able to express at an end. Right after I saw the person who I thought I would not see at any point in my life ever again, I didn’t know how to react. More likely, my emotions stopped working, if that’s even possible. It’s like I can feel things but I can’t specifically express it out at the moment.

There he was. Breathing at ease and unpacking his stuff completely unbothered. I don’t know how long I was standing outside doing nothing but staring at his very soul, contemplating whether what I’m seeing is an illusion or not till his icy blue eyes met mine. Just like the old days, thousands of fireworks exploded inside me. This tiny human being right in front of me still has this kind of impact on me which I couldn’t shake off within a go. I don't know how long this stare last but the walls that I have raised inside me keep falling.

“Lou? Where do I keep these stuff of yours? I seriously can’t do this anymore. I have left my things at my room and came here to help---” An enthusiastic utterance comes out of nowhere startling both of us but stopped and followed Louis’ eyes which were on me. When none of us is motivated to assert anything, I shifted my gaze to the boy standing next to Louis. He was simply yet finely dressed up with half rolled up navy blue sweatshirt and a black skinny-jeans, baby white skin colour and his hair half done. Was the little kid talking about him?

“Hello there, you must be Lou’s roommate? I’m--”

“Yeah but I don’t care and don’t mind you being here but just get the hell out of my way. Thank you.” I snapped, interrupting his little introduction. As soon as those words left my mouth, I regretted it. Like the snapping and irritation wasn’t for him though. This is why emotions are confusing and triggering. He just blinked as if the words caught in his mouth.

I dumped my backpack and stuff on the bed which wasn’t occupied and dropped my phone and the purse on the table nearby. The ‘fake’ blond-haired guy, according to his cousin if I’m right, was whispering things to Louis but I just heard him reply shut up.

“Hey, I’m really sorry about earlier. I was so tired from the journey so I kind of snapped. Harry Styles.” I lied but anyway apologized to him as guilt was eating me up inside. I extended my hand to him which he gladly took while cracking up a wonderful smile.

“It’s alright, buddy. The weather makes us all grumpy. By the way, I’m Niall Horan.” Niall said chuckling while looking back and forth between me and Louis. I cleared my throat, “Correct me if I’m wrong, do you have a nephew named Theo? Because that little boy was searching for you everywhere around the campus, I guess?” His widening in the realization of something.

“Oh my god, guys! I completely forgot about them. I will catch up with you two later, bub-bye.” With that, he sprinted away. I shook my head at the similarity between Theo and Niall, definitely, they are related.

Again but accidentally I met Louis’ eyes and this time it was showing something else which was way more complicated for my brain to actually solve what it is. I looked around the room which was quite big for two people. Twin beds with nightstand either side, a kitchen counter kind of model with mini-fridge and a microwave oven and an attached bathroom.

There was some serious awkwardness between us but what can we do now? Well, I could actually check if there is some exchange of rooms but that would be too mean, wouldn’t it? I laid down in my bed and mentally groaned. I need my nap but I haven’t started unpacking my stuff yet. I turned to my right and flexed some muscles and sighed facing Louis was doing his best to avoid me as I slowly drifted off to sleep and the last thing I remember was him leaving the room abruptly.

.

I woke up to the noise of my phone going off and the last time I checked I had no one to actually call me if we cut the customer care service and my best friend off the list. I groaned into my pillow and watched my phone ring again. It was a never-ending battle when I finally decided to pick up.

“What the actual fuck, Harry Edward Styles?!”

My best friend’s voice ringed inside my sensitive ears. I groaned and mumbled incoherent words while taking off the phone from my ears as he continued his cursing. I got up and sat on my bed without minding the person who is on call going completely insane. I was all alone in the room yet again I don’t mind it. I hung up the call and video called him.

“Don’t you dare test my patience ever again!” I was greeted by a very pissed off Zayn. I deliberately yawned but ended up laughing once I saw the look on his face.

“I’m alright, Zee. I just overslept, I guess?” I said and made myself more comfortable. He just rolled his eyes. I swear, the amount of rolling his eyes is actually going to end up really bad for his handsome face and the last part is his words, not mine.

“Really? Because you have reached the campus at 10 in the morning and now it’s 6:45 in the evening. Are you sure that you slept for almost 9 hours, honey? And I’m damn sure you wouldn’t have eaten anything. Gosh, Haz, do I really have to babysit now?” I gaped and checked the time. That moron didn’t lie, I almost slept for straight 9 hours and yeah, didn’t eat. Now, he will practically be my mother.

“Okay, I give up. But I really fucking needed that sleep for me to function properly so don’t you dare use it against me.” I defended myself and shuffled things here and there. I heard him sigh loudly.

“Hey, asshat,” Zayn called out and I looked at him through the screen. “What’s wrong? And I’m definitely not taking a no as an answer.” I looked at him wondering what in the world I did to deserve someone like him. Like, I absolutely said nothing but he somewhat sensed that something is off with me. “Because no way in hell you would sleep like that. Either you are too tired or you are avoiding something.”

“It’s my roommate…” He nodded at me to continue but I’m terrified to say this to him because it never ends well. There are only two reactions of him; one, he freaks out and second, he freaks out. There is no in-between. “It’s Lou---”

“NO, NO, NO! DON’T FUCKING TELL ME IT’S LOUIS WILLIAM TOMLINSON. GOD, I KNEW IT. I FUCKING KNEW IT. ACTUALLY, MY RIGHT KNEE WAS DAMN RIGHT. AND OH MY LORD, YOU GUYS ARE GOING TO THE SAME COLLEGE AND WHAT’S MORE? YOU GUYS ARE TOGETHER AGAIN. I MEAN, YOU GUYS ARE ROOMMATES. I NEED TO GET MY SHITS TOGETHER BUT THIS IS HUGE I--”

“CALM YOUR NERVES DOWN!” I shouted back with the same amount of intensity with which he was freaking out and he stopped himself and took a deep breath, so did I.

“Are you really sure it is him?” Zayn reiterated with wide eyes. I nodded and gave him a thumbs up. “Did you guys…, like talk?” He was being careful with his words and I really wouldn’t blame him. He cares about me.

“I really don’t know, Zee. I don’t know how to feel that he is here now but what does it change? Absolutely nothing.” I said and was being nothing but honest. Sure, there is still this tormenting feeling inside me which wants nothing but the answers to the questions which are already interred deep inside me but there is this other part inside me which happened to grow inside me in these few years which does not want any connection with Louis and is positively great without him or at least I would like to think so.

“Just hold on a little bit, bub. I will be there soon, yeah?” I smiled at him, thanking the angels above for giving him to me as the best friend in the whole world. He will also be joining the same university but is taking his time to settle things back there in Bradford before coming here. He doesn't even have to study college but he needed me to get out of my place so he came up with this idea where he can also check up on me. Tell me who in the world gets a friend like him?

From there we talked a little more about random things and I complained about how he is always snacking when we are talking and many other silly fights even if it’s over the phone it still felt good and home. I hung up with a laugh and an 'I love you' and went straight to hit the shower.

Just as I finished my shower, Louis entered looking completely shattered and was not really in a good shape. I thought my story was over but who in the world would have thought that it would start from the beginning all over again with the same person in a slightly changed scenario?

And being with Louis under the same roof, it’s definitely going to be a long night. 


	3. It is what makes you more beautiful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis' thoughts on Harry and his episode of reminiscing his past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The italics are the memories or flashback one's having.

**Louis' POV**

There is a quote from Call Me By Your Name which I absolutely love, ‘When you least expect it, nature has a cunning way to find your weakest spot.’ I loved it right from the moment I saw that scene where Elio and his father had a heart-to-heart conversation, not that I could relate to it but I have always wondered about that. Now, if that isn’t a fucking relatable quote, I don’t know what will be. Of course, our life is full of choices but do we make choices because we truly want it or someone else wants us to make that particular choice?

I know I have done some heartbreaking things to the person I love the most in the world and I have no excuse in my hand to justify my actions except the feeling of guilt and sorry. I thought, walking out is the best possible thing which I could ever do for him and myself but I should have known better. Leaving my people behind wasn’t easy either but being with them will only bring trouble to them and I can’t live with the fact that it is because of me the people I love the most are getting hurt and crumbling so hard.

Harry is such a wonderful person. He is so pure and beautiful that it is practically illegal for him to be on this earth. The way he is right now, I still can’t shake off the picture in my mind. When I saw him standing at the door of our dorm room, my heart skipped a beat. All I wanted to do at the moment was to hug him as if my life depended on it and tell him who much I missed and still love him but at the same time, I want to apologize till my last breath for the tears which he had shredded because of me. Fuck it, I can’t do either of it. I guess this is nature’s way of finding my weakest spot in the most cunning way possible.

I left the room abruptly because I, for the sake of my sanity, can’t stand the awkwardness in the air between us and it’s almost choking me to death. This is not the way I thought things would be between us when we first started talking. I roamed around the campus like a lost puppy for so long that my legs were on the verge of giving up. I spotted empty benches which were a few steps away. I signed and sat down on one of them reminiscing the very first memory I shared with Harry.

_Growing up I never had much of friends like a kid supposed to have and my inaudible voice and lack of social skills didn’t help it either. I was just a random kid who people don't give a second glance and would easily call upon my silent behaviour but none of them came forward to question about it and try being friends with me. Even so, they will only become friends for getting notes and shit. Yeah, I was this typical introverted silent kid whose presence wasn’t that substantial. Out of loneliness or boredom or whatever you want to name it, I developed a habit of observing people. No, it’s not in a creepy way. Watching like a madman and observing are two different things. So, yeah, I like to observe people, it is kind of fascinating. Sometimes, I know more about people than they know about themselves. And of course, no one knows about this habit of mine except my diary, I guess._

_Just like any other day, I entered the school hallway only to be welcomed by the student’s hustle and chatters. I could have possibly come up with a stomach ache or headache or fatigue but nothing could have in any way worked out to convince my mother because I just used that excuse two days before. Rolling my eyes at my thought, I started walking towards my locker while keeping my head low. I did my combination to open my locker and took the essentials for the first two periods and was about to head the other way but stopped unexpectedly when I heard the voice of one particular person._

_Harry Styles_

_I still now don’t know what is about him that is attracting me. Don’t get me wrong, he is a really nice guy with whom I just want to talk and be friends with. He is not that popular and out-going but still, a handful of people know him. My habit of observing people went to its perk when he joined this school. Apart from his charming looks and ridiculously soft curls, I like the way he becomes a little jumpy when he’s been called out in the class or the way he curses under his breath when he doesn’t understand some mathematics’ concept or the way he gives I’m-so-done-with-you looks to his friends or--- okay I will stop here. On the whole, he is intriguing._

_“Can you do a favour for all the students out here by shutting your mouth Mic, please?” Harry slapped his locker door so hard that if it wasn’t for the rush of the students around it would have echoed really bad. I wondered how I could even hear him clearly with the distance between us._

_“Haz, please! I will definitely fail in that subject if you don’t help me. This is the last time, I swear.” Micah, about whom I don’t know much, was giving his all to get Harry’s yes which would apparently benefit him but Harry was giving him a hard time. There were some couple of words exchanged between them before Harry stomped from that place not really minding Micah’s calling._

_Me being myself, I didn’t have a proper mind to move away when someone was coming through straight at me and at the end, I kissed the floor really hard with my books scattered around and I didn’t think it would be this painful. Some laughed and some well didn’t actually care._

_“Oops?”_

_A voice came through startling me and I raised my guards up because I’m not used to being under someone’s gaze. That someone’s voice which I could not be mistaken ever in my life. I slowly looked up only to see Harry’s worried and guilty expression._

_“Hi!” I greeted and chuckled nervously as he helped me get up and collected my books, handing it to me._

_“I’m so sorry. I should have seen you standing but I was so caught up with a stupid friend of mine.” Harry apologized with a small smile and scratched the back of his, biting his lips._

_“It’s alright,” I mumbled not sure of what to say next. Damn, I need to get over being this nervous._

_“I’m Harry Styles, I don’t think we have been formally introduced?” He smiled so wide that his cute dimples popped out. I should definitely stop noticing the tiny details about him. “You are Louis. Louis Tomlinson? Right?” My heart did a little jump inside. Wow, he knows my name._

_“Yeah…”_

_“I’m glad I got it right. We have two classes together I guess?” He thought for a second before talking. “Yes, science and mathematics. Which is two hell of a subject and is a nightmare for me but I bet you are good at it. I don’t know, I’m just guessing it and now I’m blabbering for a good amount of time without letting you speak” Harry covered his mouth with both of his hands and giggled adorably._

_“You do talk too much but I kind of like to hear your voice.” Now it’s my turn to shut my mouth while the edges of my ears turned pink. Chuckling, he closed the distance with us by taking a step ahead, making my breath hitch._

_“Will you take my small advice?” He asked me with a hint of playfulness in his eyes. I nodded shortly._

_“Be yourself and talk more because it is what makes you more beautiful,” Harry said with a wink and went on his own._

I opened my eyes to the cold breeze blowing against my face and looked up at the strips of orange and purple with the sun setting down pretty beautifully. I didn’t realize that I was crying till the droplets of my tears hit my hands which were resting. I roughly dried my face and started walking towards the dormitories. I’m at the point in my life where no matter how much ever I try I can never go back and ask for forgiveness from the person who means the world to me. 


	4. You make me feel home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry makes a new friend - Liam. Harry is getting his episodes of his past and Zayn wonders about the plaid shirt guy.

**Harry’s POV**

Waking up is never my thing and will never be. It’s always been an inner battle between my body and my brain, one wants to stay in the bed all day and the other wants to get up so it can think of the possible productive work which would keep me away from my roommate. To my disappointment, the devil inside me wins. I sat up and flexed some muscles and relaxed. Seriously, sometimes I think if I ever talk out loud as much as I talk with myself, I would have more acquaintances or my old friends with whom I somewhat lost touch.

The first thing I saw after opening my eyes is Louis’ dreamy look which he was apparently giving me. I just rolled my eyes and watched Louis’ cheeks turn pink as he looked away mumbling something. That’s when I noticed that I was in nothing but boxers.

“As if you haven’t watched me like this ever before,” I said out loud and went straight to the shower. Normally, thoughts will be flooded in my mind even if it got a little chance to mess with me but today seemed strange. It was absolutely blank and I don’t know what exactly to feel about it. Maybe I should go and wander around the campus and clear whatever is happening with me.

And that’s exactly what I did, although, I feel a little bad for showing faces to Louis when he tried to talk to me when I was leaving. I chuckled at my thought, what do I even want? I don’t want to admit it out loud but there is still a part of me which cares for him. Of course, there will be. It is darn hard to throw away everything you ever felt for a person, at least I’m that way.

The outside of the campus was like a green paradise. Trees danced as the wind attacked it slowly and steadily. The sky was clear with its soothing light blue shade. It was indeed a bright day to be ever witnessed and pictured. The hustle and cheeriness were totally in the air and I watched a few guys playing football nearby. They laughed and groaned all the time and I spent the next few hours of the day watching them play without actually minding any other stuff around me.

“Hey, lad. Watch out!” I heard someone’s shout. Even before anyone could react the ball harshly made its contact with a boy’s forehead as he cried out in pain. I sprinted right away and went to check on him.

“It… hurts.”

I carefully helped him to sit on the nearest bleachers and fished out the small first aid from my bag but I did examine his wound and it is first aid-able.

“I can dress your wound but do check with the infirmary afterwards, yeah?” I told him softly as he nodded shortly. I took out a piece of cotton and a bottle of distilled water and cleaned the outer region of his wound. Then I dipped another piece of cotton in the tincture. “It may sting a little…” I warned before dabbing it on his forehead, without putting too much force. Once I finished dressing, I sighed and threw the used pieces of cotton in the nearby trash.

“Ah, this is embarrassing but thank you for the help…?” The guy with puppy brown eyes smiled sheepishly at me. I chuckled and sat next to him before introducing myself. “Harry.” I lifted my hand for a fist bump. He accepted it with a cute smile. “It’s my lucky day that I have met you, Harry. I’m Liam!”

We talked for, I don’t know how many hours but this guy, Liam, is a combination of fluffy puppy and a burst of absolute sunshine with an extra touch of a gentle smile and a load of positive energy. The amount of adoration I have developed for him with a limited span of time of getting to know each other is quite scary. As we continued our little introductory session and got to know about each other, I learnt that his home is not so far away from the university but he wanted to go for dormitory experience and that he is right next to my dorm room which makes me think about my best friend. Because for darn sure I know that his room is next to mine. I’m worried now.

Liam and Zayn as roommates is a very, very bad idea. It’s like making a beautiful buttery and delicious waffle and topping it off with pasta sauce. Of course, I’m referring to my best friend as a pasta sauce. While I was enjoying my moment with inner humour-self my phone pinged.

**_From Ma Favorite Hooman:_ ** _Holaaa! Send me the pictures of the campus. ASAP!_

Just when you think about the devil, the devil welcomes himself saying there is no way out from his presence. I clicked some random pictures around just as he asked me while Liam signalled me he got to go as he was talking with someone on his phone. I waved back at him and sent the pictures to Zayn.

I looked around and spotted a small park, apparently, there is inside child care in our campus it seems. Some adults were exercising there too but the kids around excited me more which even made me want to have a closer look. Without thinking twice, I entered the park and went near the kids with a small smile on my face and was welcomed by giggles and babbles. My eyes caught the sight of two boys messing around near the swing while enjoying each other's company as my mind took me back to a lovely memory.

_It is the time of the week for me to hang out at Louis’ place. The friendship of the age of six weeks with Louis is subtle but unabashedly home-y for some undiscovered reasons. I can’t believe that I’m saying this but I’m quite thankful for Micah. If it wasn’t for his annoying ass I wouldn’t have bumped Louis in the hallway the other day, if it wasn’t for him I wouldn’t have probably maned up talked with the person I have always wondered about and if it wasn’t for him I wouldn’t have met such a wonderful person for that he is._

_With the time course of getting along, we started hanging out more after school. It was nothing as awkward as we thought it would be, we almost clicked together sooner than we hoped for and I couldn’t be happier. As I was talking before, I’m at Louis’ place but we were not supposed to meet here but he was stuck in his house babysitting his little sisters and I love kids so I thought why not?_

_I was currently lying on the small bed in the room which was filled with fluffy and soft toys. I was reading a bedtime story to Phoebe, who is looking at me with drooping eyes while cuddling me like a koala bear and listening to my heartbeat. Whereas, Louis is in the other room with Daisy, Phoebe’s twin sister, trying to make her fall asleep. Two separate rooms because they have already created a hell of the mess together and worn us out._

_“So the prince took her for his wife, for now, he knew that he had a real princess; and the pea was put in the museum, where it may still be seen if no one has stolen it. There, that is a true story.” I finished reading The Princess and The Pea story for her and kept the book at the nearby table without making noise. I looked down and smiled satisfied, Phoebe went into full slumber and looked so peaceful and beautiful._

_I carefully untangled myself from her and tucked her in nice and comfy as the door opened slowly and Louis peeped his head inside signalling me if everything was okay. I nodded with a small smile which he gladly reciprocated. He tiptoed and kissed my cheeks whispering small thank you and a side hug. Yeah, cheek, forehead kisses and goodbye hugs became common between us._

_“Why this scene is like a happily married couple who are so happy and finally relieved that their kids are asleep after making them exhausted,” I whispered to Louis to which he giggled a little loud. I shushed him and pushed him out of the door as we laughed together once we reached the living room. Just as the cue, Jay came in with pastries and chocolates, smiling just as usual._

_“Hey, boys!” Jay kissed Louis’ forehead and gave me a tight hug. “Thank you for helping Lou babysitting his naughty sisters.” She ruffled my hair as I blushed crimson and gave her a smile wide enough to show my dimples._

_“Do you mind if we go to our backyard and swing, mom?” Louis asked, rolling his eyes and pulled me to his side from his mom’s embrace._

_“Of course not, love. Be back after a while, I will give you guys the pastries I brought.” Without waiting for another second, Louis dragged me out and I only got time to say thank you curtly._

_The weather was nice. Not too bright and not too dark, it was just perfect. Happily, he sat on one of the swings and nodded at me to sit on the other but I acted slightly disguised and shook my head in disapproval._

_“Come on, Harrah!” I laughed at his puppy eyes and the way he called me as I obeyed his order. He narrowed his eyes with confused eyes before questioning, “What is so funny?”_

_“I like the way you call my name. It’s different from everyone else.” I answered and he was about to say something but I cut him off. “You call me Harrah while everyone calls me Harry.” He face-palmed but blushed a little._

_“Boo?” I called out. “Say something! Let’s change the usual Harry-talk-nonsense-and-I-will-listen routine, please?”_

_“I’m not much of a talking person, you know that. Besides, I love listening to you and it is not nonsense.” Louis booped my nose and laughed at my pouting face._

_“You know what, Haz? You make me say things which I didn’t know I could say out loud to a person without them pushing or making me uncomfortable. Most of all you make me feel home.”_

_I don’t know what happened to me after hearing those words from him but my heart picked up its pace and with the giddy feeling inside my heart strangely shouted this is where I belong and at that time I didn’t exactly know what it meant._

My phone went off, startling me and at the same time bringing me back to reality. I absentmindedly answered the phone without actually looking at it as I was still not fully back from the little moment I had with my mind. Did I say my mind was blank and it was quite nice before? Dammit!

“Hello?”

“Hi…” I instantly recognized the voice. The audacity of me to think there is someone else to call me because my best friend is the only person to call me and I have already made that fact pretty clear.

“What now, Zee? And why do you sound so low?” I ask him seriously and all I hear from the other side is a nervous chuckle. I took my phone and checked if it’s really him. It’s him, indeed.

“I was wondering um… if you could say something?” I nodded to him to say as if he could see me. I facepalmed at my stupidity.

“Go on, what is it?”

“I was wondering if you could say about the plaid shirt guy…?” Zayn asked and chuckled more. I brainstormed to know about this particular plaid shirt guy about whom Zayn is so interested and I can’t think of anyone.

“Could you be more specific, darling? I had one of my episodes and I can’t really think of whomever you are talking about?” I said as I started walking out of the small park and towards the dormitories.

“OKAY, FIRST? ARE WE TALKING ABOUT THE SAME DARN EPISODES, AGAIN? I SHOULD SERIOUSLY GET THERE AS SOON AS I CAN. NOW, BACK TO MY BUSINESS! THAT GUY IN THE PICTURE YOU'VE SENT! BROWN PLAID SHIRT! CUTE, SOFT AND LOOKING LIKE A PUPPY WITH A MESSY HAIR. OH MY LORD! I WANNA KNOW HIS NAME... WAIT! DO YOU KNOW HIS NAME?! FREAKIN' ANSWER ME HARRY EDWARD STYLES-ASSHAT!”

Is it just with me or does he lose his shit every damn time?

“Zayn. Calm down, will you?” I said slowly and calmly as possible. He let out a huge sigh. “First and foremost, what is up with you calling the full name of the people you are talking to when you go crazy? To answer your question, yes, the episodes are back again, I guess. And for your plaid shirt boy, you will have all your answers once you get here in person.” I grinned and just knew how to mess with him.

“Haz, don’t you dare do this to me. I wish you could slap you right across your face through this phone and I absolutely hate whatever you are doing right now.” His voice was completely on the edge but it showed more desperation.

“And I love doing this to you.” That and I hung up.


	5. Dick Bestfriend

**Louis' POV**

I thought secret admiration would never be my thing even though I have a history of watching people without them knowing it, I still am questioning myself why I did that. I know the complication in understanding the words in my mind. Sometimes, it gets out of hand and would be absurd for an outsider, if I ever let those words to flow out. Some simple things would just stay as simple things to quite a few people and the others, for example, me, it wouldn't be just a simple thing. It would shake me inside and out and that very thing which is so close to me yet so far away. Like the person who is sleeping peacefully right in front of me.

The peaceful look with a hint of sadness painted across his face with the bob of crazy curls all over his forehead, the sneaking perfect brows with his lashes making a subtle shadow which fell under and pouted lips. It's hard to put my heart at still if he's going to look this angelic. Well, yeah, this time he made sure he was wearing a t-shirt.

His eyes fluttered open and there it was, the swirl of mesmerizing earthy green eyes which was brighter than usual staring right into my eyes. As he was slowly giving in and us both drowning into our world, a stupid knock on the door interrupted. Harry mumbled something under his breath as sat up and I, on the other, made my way towards the door to see who was that bummer.

"Hey, darling!" I was startled by an unplanned hug and for a moment I forgot how to breathe as I realized who this person is.

Emily Williams, my sister's best classmate, my middle-school crush, and now my possible girlfriend, I really don't know what relationship we have right now, was standing in front of me with a huge smile on her lips and giving me her Bambi's eyes.

The thing here is, her existence was long forgotten the moment I saw Harry and now I have to go through the awkwardness of having these people under one roof.

"Wh- What are you doing here, Em?" I pretended to be excited and happy to see her but I think I'm miserably failing at it. Without warning, Emily pulled me with her as we both sat on my bed.

"What do you think I'm doing here, Lou? I came to see you, my love." Emily exclaimed in her cute voice and pecked my lips. As if a pre-functioned reaction, I looked at Harry who was surprisingly showing his emotions out. Anger, disgust, guilt, and mostly hurt. I'm making him feel whatever I promised I would not. It's not like him and I are a thing now but I still promised myself and I feel like I'm the most disastrous person in this world.

"Why don't you introduce me to your new roo—Harry?"

Of course, Emily recognized Harry with a small smirk on her lips. The reason why I am with her now is partly because of him, it all started with this trio --- Emily, Harry, and I. Not that he asked me to get together with her but --- it's complicated in a way my mind can't search for proper wordings to explain it now.

"Hi, Emily." Harry greeted her in a bland tone.

"It's nice to see you again!" Emily chirped and gave a sly smile.

"I wish I could say the same," Harry mumbled under his breath and went on to do his work where I was sitting like a fucking statue.

After a dreadful couple of hours of family history, crazy parties, beauty parlour, and inside jokes stories of Emily, she went off. All the time, Harry was there sitting on his bed while his eyes burned my soul.

"Um... Harry—it's not what y-you think... I--- Em and I-" Harry raised his hands making me stop whatever I was going to say and looked at me with a straight face.

"Do you really think I care, _Louis_? If you do, I'm fucking sorry to disappoint you because I don't give a fuck about whom you are in a relationship with or kiss or fuck or whatever!" I flinched as he slammed the door hard while leaving me all alone in my miserable self.

I felt the tears pricking at the back of my eyes as my mind replayed the events of the recent happenings while it shouting at me that it was my fault that everything is this way right now. I collapsed near my bed as tears slowly rolled down my cheeks.

.

I don't know how long I was crying and was in the same position. I moved my muscles only when I heard the door opening. Harry came in and immediately his eyes softened and guilt took over his face the moment he saw me. I straightened up and wiped off my tear-stained cheeks. My breath hitched as Harry sat next to me with a sigh. As I was preparing for the worst, he cleared his throat wanting to say something.

"Um- I--" What the hell is stammering for when I was the one who took all the shits he said? "I'm sorry! I shouldn't have talked the way I did."

I gulped visibly and nodded as I cursed my lack of vocabulary at the moments like this.

"Do you have any plans tonight?" A monotone voice pulled me back from my mind. I looked at Harry who was biting his lips and was looking past me. I chuckled weakly recalling this habit of his. He does this when he is completely nervous about something.

"No..." I shook my head slowly still fixing my gaze on him and was expecting the specifications of his absurd question at a completely stupid timing. Like, I can't possibly hope for having an open conversation about the things between us or some date night. I'm not that delusional and hopeless. Curiosity does kill a cat!

"HOLA CRAZY MOFOS!" Niall comes into our room shouting his greet as loud as possible because that's how he is. Harry lets out a small laugh as he stands up only to be tackled by Niall's 'crazy hugs' like he used to call it. That little leprechaun literally jumps on you with his arms around your neck and legs around your waist. Sometimes it can be cute. Keyword: _sometimes._

"Haz! It's been so long, how are you?" Niall questioned once he deducted himself from Harry totally ignoring my presence. Okay...?

"You just saw me yesterday, Ni. Anyway, I'm good." Harry let out a light chuckle as they continued their banter leaving me into oblivion. When did they even start to call each other in the nickname bases and all the silly smiles and skinship? Way to control your thoughts and jealousy, Louis! As if on cue, Harry's eyes caught mine but I looked away immediately as blood rushed to my cheeks. I hate that sometimes he can read me like an open book.

I diverted my attention to my disorganized study table or whatever you call them and started to clean them, saving myself from saying my embarrassing thoughts out loud. In the corner of my eyes, I could see Harry nudging Niall towards me mumming something but Niall shook his head and hissed some incoherent words. Now, what are these two up to? I shrugged it off rolling my eyes as I said to myself that I'm just seeing things. I was too preoccupied with myself that I didn't hear someone new coming into the room.

"Vas' happenin'"

I froze, dropping whatever I was holding. I turned around to look at the person whose voice was painfully familiar. That person was talking to Harry with a wide smile with his tongue poking in between his teeth, the smile which he usually gives to the people he adores the most. Except for the sharp jawlines, the most perfectly styled hair and a couple of more tattoos since the last time I saw him, he has not changed at all. My eyes can't possibly deceive me, right? I was stuck in the place I was standing for so long as he just laughed and quickly pulled me into a hug. I melted into his embrace and hugged my best friend back. My heart couldn't help but rejoice at the fact it got its dick best friend back.

"I missed you, Zee," I mumbled and blinked my tears away as I pulled away.

"I missed you too, Lou." Zayn gave me his smile as he turned to look over Harry who was giving us his fond eyes but as Zayn turned around his smile slowly turned into an evil look.

"Ouch!" I screamed in sudden pain and rubbed my cheek which Zayn slapped. Harry gasped and Niall was shocked for a moment before he started to laugh his ass off.

"What's that for?!?!"

"That's what you get for leaving your dick best friend behind and disappearing!" Zayn grinned at me. Well then, I kind of deserve that slap. Before you go wondering what kind of phrase is 'dick best friends', I don't know how but we came up with that name to call each other as we knew we weren't those typical best friends. We replaced the common 'compliment your best friend whenever possible' rule to 'diss your best friend every possible time'. Before I could respond to him he slapped me again and sighed in relief.

"Fuck off, asshole!" I covered my cheeks and shot him a glare to which he just ruffled my hair like I was fucking kid and gave me a cheeky grin before saying.

"That's for my satisfaction!" You see, this is what I was talking about before. Harry coughed gaining Zayn's attention and narrowed his eyes at him to which Zayn smiled sheepishly and raised his hands in surrender. Niall took this opportunity to jump in and introduced himself to Zayn as we all settled in our bed.

I pinched myself to check whether I'm dreaming because this all feels so surreal and too good to be a true scenario. I got back (at least, have them in my life in some way now) the two most important people in my life whom I love and care to no end. Unlike Harry, Zayn didn't seem to hate me so much for the things which I have done before. It's just we both caught up after having a really long vacation. Though I should feel relieved about Zayn not having any grudges against me I couldn't. Zayn is the most understanding person and he would do anything and everything for the people he loves the most. Actually, who doesn't? He didn't even get a proper explanation from my side as to why I did what I did but here he is, sitting next to me chatting like nothing ever happened. I don't deserve him as my best friend. The guilt was eating me up inside as I slowly felt heavy and hard to comprehend the things happening inside me.

I looked around to divert my thoughts on something else and accidentally met Harry's eyes. He had a worried look on his face but as cheesy as it sounds I was able to relax as I felt his soothing gaze on me, the heaviness and difficulties I felt before were untighten bit by bit.

We both are fools, aren't we?

"So kid," Zayn started and Harry shifted his attention. "We got some business to take care of don't you think?"

"Do we?" There was a mysterious glint in Harry's eyes as he questioned with a smirk on his face. Zayn groaned.

"Oh, Hazy! Don't play with the poor boy now!" Niall cheered up and down as Zayn shot him a grateful glance. Why do these three leave me clueless at moments like this? It's starting to piss me off. A knock on the door silenced them as a guy with puppy eyes and a small smile came in. Harry's smile widened as he ushered him inside while Zayn's cheek flushed but his eyes never left the boy. I smirked a little, this is getting interesting.

"Guys, this is Liam Payne." Harry introduced. Liam waved at us shyly. "And Li, this is Zayn, Louis and Nia---"

"Niall!" Liam completed with a grin and Niall laughed but he gazed back to Zayn and I swear, I saw him blush. When Harry looked in between Niall and Liam, Niall answered.

"We work together in a nearby place." I think this is the only sentence he said without dragging and shouting.

"Anyway. I would like to make a special introduction, Li. Meet my best friend Zayn," Zayn's eyes widened as Harry continued. "Who also, unfortunately, happens to be your roommate."

"Hey..." Liam greeted with a giggle.

"H-Hey, Liam!" Zayn was a complete mess and Harry was giving his victory smile.

At least, Zayn and I can agree on one thing without bickering and insulting each other; we can't take off our eyes from our roommates. 


	6. Small Letters

It was one of that first-day anxiety kicked in for Harry when he first entered the university building which was the definition of classy and sleek with the students, more accurately fresher years looking like a group of lost puppies. Much to Harry's surprise, the professors were warm and welcoming, they guided every student through whatever they are going to cover for the first semester along with the reference books and stuff, at the least, it was like this his department. The rest of his mates (the one who studies with him, not the boys) actually minded their own business. There were no noisy questions or small talks throughout his day and he couldn't be more thankful for it. Guess that's the maturity you acquire once you reach a certain age. Just the thought of socializing gives Harry headache because there is definitely a high possibility of him to overshare his thoughts or be a complete A-Grade asshole to the poor stranger. There is no in-between.

  


But the reason behind Harry's soar face as of now is not any of the above reasons. He was so ready to call it a day but there was one more class left which was mandatory for everyone. He wouldn't have given it a second thought if it was not for the additional credit points which will be given if a student attends the class and submits the assessments given on time. Also, it's the only class which he and the boys share irrespective of their chosen courses.

  


The class is called the Communicative Class.

  


Harry sighed and made his way towards the classroom and realised he was a few minutes early, shrugged he scanned the room to search for his place when two familiar heads catch his eyes. The dirty blond one and the light-brown feathered one. What confused him was they were seated away from each other, where Niall was being his usual joyful-self but Louis was having a sad frown spread across his beautiful face and was reading a book. Did he say beautiful? Um--- ahem! He shook his head and sat down beside Niall.

  


"Haz!" The Irish lad greeted with a bright face and a boyish smile as he shoved his phone inside his pocket. Harry returned the greet with an equally bright smile and felt nobody in his life was this excited to see him on daily basis.

  


"Why aren't you sitting with Bo-- Tomlinson?" Harry's mouth worked fast than his brain and blurted out the question which was bugging him since he stepped into the classroom and he was mentally chiding himself as he almost used Louis' sweet name.

  


"It's not that I'm purposely ignoring him..." Niall furrowed his eyebrows and looked back at Louis who was still engrossed in his book. "Why?"

  


"It's just... I was wondering, he's sitting all alone and you didn't talk with him like you usually do the last time we met." The curly-headed guy fumbled with his words and shrugged unsure of what to let out.

  


"Damn, correct me if I'm wrong," Niall smirked as his electric-blue eyes held a knowing look. He mentally gave a victory pat to himself. "Are you, perhaps, worried about Louis?"

  


"Whatever!" Harry huffed and rolled his eyes. Thinking it was such a bad idea to ask Niall that question because it was a given fact and anybody could see a distraught between Harry and Louis and of course, Niall wasn't a fool. It's just he has no idea what happened between them and seeks pleasure while teasing each other. After all, they are his main OTP followed by Zayn and Liam. Harry turned away so that Niall can't see his ears heating up.

  


"Okay, okay. No need to send me draggers through your mind, I will go and see what Louis is up to." Niall snickered and now his smirk got wider if that is even conceivable. He stood and went to sit next to Louis as Harry sighed in relief which he has no reason whatsoever. He could hear Niall gushing something to Louis to which the latter responded with an utterly confused 'what'.

  


"Mission accomplished!" Niall announced a little too loudly earning few groans from others. Harry gaped visibly and took a glance at Niall and Louis who were a laughing mess. All along they were just messing with the curly-haired lad.

  


"Fuck you, Niall!" Harry said cheeks red from embarrassment.

  


"Later babes!" Niall winked and blown a kiss towards Harry to which he earned a smack on his head from Louis.

  


Minutes passed as the students started to fill the classroom and occupy the seats available. Niall whistled loudly and said something like "ship's sailing" to which Harry chuckled and followed Niall's gaze to see his 'ship'. There was Niall's happily sailing ship laughing and giggling like there is no one else in their world. Zayn let out a heartfelt laugh and pinched Liam's already heated cheeks as if it's the most mundane thing to do as they made their way towards their seat which was just in front of Harry's. Upon seeing them, two girls in their class let out a fit of giggles.

  


Harry couldn't help but let out a sly smile when his eyes locked with Zayn's, the latter just rolled his eyes fondly and retreated his attention to the beautiful boy next to him who is so close to stealing his heart away. Harry was so happy that his best friend finally found someone for himself and would be lying to himself if he says Zayn and Liam don't look adorable together. Guess they aren't just Niall's ship anymore.

  


The class settled in once the professor in her early-thirties came in and introduced herself as Ms Hayes and kept it short and simple that this class would be only interactive one and the assessments would be not as bad as the major subjects. That's all it took for Harry to lose himself in his thoughts. The assessments are no hardship for him as he would always let his mind take over and fill in the white pages but the interaction part easily provoked his nerve and didn't sit right with him. As if on reading Harry's mind, Zayn turned around and shot a concerned eye. Harry just gave a short nod.

  


"Alright, class!" Ms Hayes exclaimed merrily grabbing everyone's attention including Harry and Zayn's. "As of today, we will keep the class light and entertaining because it's your first day. The topic is about small letters!"

  


Upon hearing the topic Louis could feel his heart pounding inside his chest as a melancholic mood took over him. His eyes diverted and caught the curly-haired one who sucked his breath and started biting his lips. Louis could sense his uneasiness and all he ever wanted to do is drag the emerald-green eyed boy out of the room so he feels a little better.

  


"Small letters?" One of the classmates inquired.

  


"Yes! Small letters! It may sound old fashioned but letters given to you from the person who is so important to you. No matter at what age you have gotten it or the person who has given it to you. I just want you guys to share about how you felt while receiving it and how much it means to you. And yeah, you can leave out the person who gave it to you if you aren't comfortable with it." Ms Hayes smiles sweetly and looked over to pick out a person.

  


Harry began to panic and shivered involuntarily. He, for sure, was not prepared to share his thoughts out loud. Not that he hasn't received any letters from anyone. The stupid part is, he did receive them. A lot of them, actually. Talking about it means digging up his past life which is as painful as ripping open a wound which has not healed yet. He tilted his head slowly and took a glimpse at Louis who was already looking him with blue eyes filled with misery. They both know exactly what they are thinking. Times like these, there is no need for the words to be spoken out, the unknown strings connected their hearts did all the work.

  


"Mr Horan, why don't you start first?" Ms Hayes called out Niall as Harry sighed in relief.

  


"Okay..." Niall gave a thought about it before continuing, "It's not exactly a letter but a drawing which was given by my little nephew, Theo. It's not much but I really felt so happy when he gave it to me. He even named my figure which he drew as 'The World's Best Uncle'." Niall had a wide smile on his face reminiscing the picture. Girls cooed at him while he blushed a little.

  


"That's a really sweet one." Ms Hayes commented and paused to pick out the next one.

  


"Mr Styles?"

  


Fuck, he thought. Just when he was relieved. Harry could already feel the expectant stares on him.

  


"I received a lot of handwritten letters from this person back in high school. It was kind of our thing to do. We would always exchange notes to each other whenever possible and it made me feel so special and... loved." Harry let out a shaky breath and looked at Zayn who gave him an encouraging smile implying that he is doing great. "The letters which I have gotten were never small. It includes random cheesy quotes, that person's favourite thing about me and so many other things. It hits me every single time I read those letters."

  


There was complete silence in the room. Louis' heart just broke all over again hearing each word. Harry was shifting uncomfortably in his seat unsure of where to look, sensing this Ms Hayes broke the tension, "Would you like to share the poem which was given to you by that person?"

  


"Come gaze at the stars with me  
It'll put you out of misery  
Our worlds are blue  
And so you are  
The lies we hide  
Might never get out until we die."

  


"That's an interesting one, Mr Styles." Ms Hayes cleared her throat and the rest of the class eased up not really minding the curly-haired lad who teared up and felt nothing but suffocation. After what it felt like forever, the bell rang signalling that the day was finally over.

  


Harry took his bag and without wasting a second exited the classroom perfectly ignoring the boys concerned looks and Zayn's yell for him to stop. He started running without a steady designation in his mind as it was preoccupied with other things. Harry stopped near a tree to catch his breath only to realise that the tears were pouring down his face. Shaking his head, he let out a yelp as his mind replayed the very first time Louis gave him a letter.

  


\---

  


_Harry was so dreadful when he thought of going to the school after three days of his absence. It's not that I'm-so-lazy-and-I-need-another-day-off type of feelings rather it was my-best-friend-would-ignore-my-presence-because-I-may-have-pissed-him-off kind of feelings. There was a sudden plan by his parents that they would go and visit his grandparents in Holmes Chapel and Harry may or may not have forgotten to inform Louis about it._

_  
_

_He was so desperate to escape a day of school that he even told everything to his mom to which he just got an earful of random stuff but didn't get off from going to school. So, here he was, standing in front of the school building for the past fifteen minutes. With his robot movements, he finally entered the school hallways and easily spot the feathered-haired boy who was busy taking out his books from the locker. It's not so hard to spot someone who barely left your mind. Harry build up the courage inside him and walked towards his Boo._

_  
_

_"Hey, Lou!" The curly-haired boy gave his dimpled smile. Louis only glared and slammed his locker door shut making the latter flinch._

_  
_

_"Woo! Lover's quarrel!" Micah shouted seeing the commotion happening, to which Harry just rolled his eyes and gave him a finger._

_  
_

_To be honest, Louis is not mad or pissed off at Harry. At least, not anymore. Of course, he was pissed when he found that his best friend flaked on him, which wasn't a really pleasant thing to become aware of on a Monday morning. He was only appeased when he got a text from Harry around lunchtime that he was in Holmes Chapel visiting his grandparents and will be absent for the next two days. Louis was upset to know that he won't be able to see a best friend but didn't show it to Harry. He just replied that it's okay and to enjoy his time there with an emoticon. Little did he know that Harry knows he's upset about it. Now that Harry is back, he decided to play with him for a little while under his pissed off or mad façade._

_  
_

_Harry entered his first-class and saw Louis sitting in their usual place while scribbling something in his note. Sighing loudly, Harry sat next to his best friend who continued to ignore him like he was nothing. To say Harry wasn't a bit hurt would be an understatement. He just couldn't tolerate the silent treatment which he was getting and would do absolutely anything to get freed from it. Louis slides his notes towards Harry and nodded. The green-eyed boy took the notes and roughly went through it only to realise that it was the notes which he missed during his absence._

_  
_

_A small smile made its way Harry's lips which popped out his cute dimple a little and upon seeing that Louis was ready to break his silent treatment because it was getting hard for him too. After all, he loved the boy next to him so much that he started feeling bad for him. But Mrs Kate, their Chemistry teacher came in silencing the whole class and started with teaching._

_  
_

_Harry let out a huff in defeat and spaced out not really listening to whatever Mrs Kate was teaching because he was coming up with ideas to make the angry bird sitting next to him to talk._

_  
_

_"I'm so fucking sorry, Boo! I really didn't mean not to inform it to you earlier. It was a last-minute plan I swear I didn't know!" Harry whisper apologized and his eyes lit up when he saw a small smile from Louis but it quickly disappeared. He was too caught up with his best friend that he didn't notice Mrs Kate's glare. Did she hear him curse? Oh lord, no._

_  
_

_"Mr Tomlinson, can you get up and read page number 75 of your book?" Mrs Kate asked looking straight at Harry as the whole class laughed. It was nothing new for them, she tends to get confused with Louis and Harry when there is nothing similar about their physical features._

_  
_

_"Mrs Kate, I'm Harry," letting out a frazzled sigh and pointed at the person next to him, "He's Louis. Now tell us whom do you want to read the book?"_

_  
_

_"You read Harry." She giggled._

_  
_

_._

_  
_

_With a sad frown, Harry walked out of his last class. Even after so many apologizes and whines Louis didn't talk with him. A whole fucking day! It was way worse than he ever imagined and was mentally chiding himself for agreeing to go to Holmes Chapel because he thought it would suck if he was home all by himself. Now that was a way better option. Sulking at himself, he stopped by his locker to keep the extra books in._

_  
_

_A letter fell from his locker as he opened it. Shoving the books fast inside his locker, he took the letter and examined. He didn't share his locker combination to anyone except... Louis. Eyes widened and with a silly smile took his lips as he opened the letter of familiar handwriting which was dated the day when he went to Holmes Chapel._

_  
_

_Hey Pumpkin,_

_ I miss you. I miss the smile of yours that can light up anyone's day. I miss the bright green eyes of yours that shows so much care and worry. I miss the voice of yours that makes my heart flutter every time I hear it. I miss your hand in mine which takes away all the fears that build up inside me. When I hear someone say your name, my heart breaks. I try to move on from you but I can't. I have tried so hard and now I can't anymore. All that's on my mind is you and you only. I want to feel your touch, your eyes that shine brightly at me, your laugh which makes me hyperactive and your cute face which no one can resist. I'm the best me when I'm with you. We can't turn back time because no one can do. I want to make more beautiful memories with you. You are my sunshine, my angel, my baby, my pizza, my Harold and most of all my best friend and I love you. _

_   
_

_Harry swore on his life that no one in his life has ever made him feel so important and loved. The letter he just read made him the happiest person in the entire world. He carefully folded the letter and kept it in his bag and let his leg take him to the place where his home – his_ _Boobear_ _– was._

_  
_

\---

  


Louis was frantic and a mess. He searched every possible place he could think of and still there was no sign of Harry's whereabouts. The lads sensing his worry assured him that Harry will be back once he cooled down but it didn't make him feel any better. He just wanted to see Harry by himself and make sure he is alright. When Harry recited the poem he wrote, he felt a painful stab all over his heart, he felt more awful than ever because the undeserved pain Harry went through because of him was so evident.

  


Once Louis reached his dorm room, he collapsed midway and let out the tears which he was holding back. As fucked up as it sounds, it was their love which broke them into pieces.  


_  
_

_  
_

  



	7. Angel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning, mentions of self-harm and eating disorder.

Harry let out a low groan clutching his head tight with one hand and the other holding his stomach as he felt a little swirl inside his head. Feeling nauseous again, he bent over the seat and puked the remaining food he stomached in this morning just to shut up Zayn's constant worrying. Once he completely emptied his gut, the heaviness inside him was slowly replaced with lightness and now he was able to breathe freely. Harry sat in the bathroom room, still dizzy from his earlier actions as his clothes covered skin made its contact with the cool walls.

It's been a few weeks since the incident which happened in the Communicative Class and to say Harry was grateful for the boys for not asking him questions would be an understatement. Of course, Zayn and Louis know it better than rest so there were no questions from their side but that leaves Liam and Niall. Those poor lads were certainly clueless about the history of Harry and Louis together but didn't press on it. Harry's only conclusion that Zayn would have come up with some excuses on his behalf. That Bradford guy always got his back.

The interaction between Harry and Louis vanished into thin air. Louis takes in every possibility to avoid the curly-haired lad and vice-versa. Them being roommates was not any better in this situation, the only time the heaviness wouldn't be there inside their room was at night. They either sleep or just pretend their night off.

It's not like Louis wanted to avoid Harry at any cost. He wanted to talk and know the guy in front of him so much that it hurts. It's like in movies or books where people say their significant other being so close yet so far away. That's how he feels about Harry.

Louis was never good at confrontations or talking his heart out and never will be, especially when it comes to Harry. He is so used to sleeping on his problems or avoiding it solely but now they both are ruled out of the options given to him. Even if he has rehearsals in his head over a thousand times, when he looks into the emerald-green eyes his brain and mouth would team up against him and no coherent words would be said out.

This is exactly how the latter felt too but he just won't admit it. Not even with himself.

Still, with a hazed mind, Harry stood up but regretted once the black vision consumed him. He shut his eyes tightly and did the breathing exercise to clear the blackness and dizziness. Once he was okay, he made his way towards the sink and saw his reflection in the mirror and instantly flinched at the sight.

His curls were unruly and greasy from sweat. The once brightly shined emerald-green eyes were now covered with dullness making it pale green and was teared up bloodshot. The nose and cheeks were red and moist, definitely not in a good way. His lips were swollen from the crying and puking. His skin crawled in disgust as he examined each part of his body. Tears rolled out of his eyes as he noticed his stomach and thighs were getting bigger and chided himself for eating so much food. Harry loathed the way he looked that he threw up once again.

He was completely exhausted both, mentally and physically. He took his time brushing his teeth but that time didn't shake off his uneasiness and thoughts inside him.

The healed scars hidden under a bunch of bracelets throbbed making it hard for Harry to breathe. Thoughts focused on both of his wrists which itched and screamed to feel a sharp and cold object against it.

"No, no, no, no! Not again, please!" Harry sobbed into his hands, pulled his strands of hair and bit his lip hard to divert his thoughts from the urge to cut himself. He, for sure, knows that if he gives in to the thoughts inside him it would be very hard to back away. He doesn't want to fall inside the darkness which was created by him, again.

_It's okay. Just once, do it. I know you want to feel that pain which makes you numb. I know you like it when the filthy blood of yours flows out of your veins. This is what you get for eating, boy. You would just forget it all. Do it, NOW!_

Harry shrank himself as his mind screamed at him to harm himself, to finally give in. Trembling, he searched inside the cabinets to find something. In the process, he made a mess and finally got hold of a razor. The small metallic piece in his hands felt frigid and yet familiar.

_Come on, boy. Just get it over with._

He nodded to himself and slowly pushed off the bracelets revealing the faint scars beneath. Wiping off the freshly fallen tears, he shifted the razor to his right hand and gripped on it tightly. Just when he was about to make the contact between the razor and his skin, Harry heard it.

He heard the angelic voice coming from outside. His mind was too dazed to make out what the voice was saying but he could still hear it and the thoughts inside his head receded. The same voice which provided him comfort at the times of sorrow, the same voice which gave him the strength when he struggled to find one, the same fucking voice which would be so disappointed if he completes the thing he started.

That's when Harry's sense knocked into him and realised what he was doing. Without thinking twice, he flushed the razor in the toilet and sighed heavily. He couldn't believe that he would have almost lost himself to the darkness.

Harry's heart beating which was once a thunderstorm was now settling down as a calm ocean, just like the angel's eyes.

Not caring how shattered he looked, Harry immediately exited the bathroom. His eyes landed on Louis who had a small smile on his face while he hung up his call on the phone.

Louis looked up as the smile was replaced by a sad frown once he saw how the curly-haired guy looked. When he was about to question it, the latter did something which shocked them both.

Harry fell right into Louis' arms and hugged the life out of the sapphire-eyed guy. Louis froze and his breath hitched and it took only a second for his brain to process everything, he hugs back. Harry hides his face in the crook of Louis' neck and inhales the intoxicating scent of soft vanilla and apples and relaxes even more. He tightens his grip receiving a small gasp from Louis.

Louis' mind was racing with the possibilities of what may have happened to Harry which made him so vulnerable. But at the same time, he was so pleased that Harry turned to him for comfort. He started whispering sweet comforting words as he sensed the distressed state of the latter.

After a few more minutes of their passionate embrace, they pulled away and Louis reached out carefully and wiped the tear stains off Harry's cheek.

"Wha---"

"POTATOOOOOOO!" A thick Irish accent interrupted Louis and Harry's moment. Once Niall's curious eyes fell on the sight in front of him, he cursed himself that he ruined his favourite ship's moment as he gave out an awkward laugh.

Louis gave a 'you are so done' look to Niall to which he returned innocent puppy eyes. Harry shrugged and sprinted out of the room pushing past Niall as Louis was left alone, again.

.

Zayn huffed in annoyance as he kicked the pebble near his foot as he settled his bag next to him on the bench. He couldn't exactly describe his feelings at the moment even though deep down he knows what it is. Aren't we all the same? We beat around the bush, dodge it every time and everywhere possible and deny it at a steady pace, all because we are too afraid to face the actuality, that is, our fucking feelings.

Just by seeing Zayn's appearance and the aura he carries around himself one may think that he's popular, jock, confident, has a lot of friends and not to mention a bunch of intimidating tattoos. But he is completely different from what people see him. He's reserved, has a soft spot for kittens, cares deeply for the people he loves, a wise person who never lets anyone down on his account and quietly literally cries along with you if you are having a mood down or a sad day. Of course, he knows a lot of people but being friendly to everyone and having a close friend who knows your anything and nothing are two different things. He looks intimidating and tough only because he has let some people in his life who have done nothing but let him down at the moments he needed someone to be there by his side as his strength.

The whole liking a person and having feelings for someone is so new to him. Not that he is confused about anything. He exactly knows there is nothing wrong in liking or damn, even falling in love with the person who is of the same gender. Yes, he is religious and believes in God and prays for his peace of mind and happiness for everyone but that doesn't mean he should be a typical close-minded jerk who rubs off his opinion in unnecessary places.

Zayn is more like a 'fuck what people think and do what you love' kind of a guy. The only thing society is capable of is to judge and label the people around. Honestly, the concept of 'label' in society is fucked up. Why should we label ourselves as rich, poor, boy, girl, trans, gay, lesbian, bi and so many when we can just call us by one simple word; human? People love people, it's as simple as that. There is no obligation for a person to go out and say they are in love with a person who is the same gender as them or the opposite. Love is love. Period.

The only reason Zayn is going to college is his curly-haired best friend, Harry. Zayn very well knows what it does to a person if they let someone into their heart, he saw it all with his own eyes. He saw what love did to Harry and how much that boy didn't deserve any of the things he went through. It pained Zayn's heart to see the once bubbly and lively curly-haired boy who had an everlasting smile on his lips to be heartbroken and depressed. Zayn saw the boy as his kid even though Harry was only a couple of years younger than him. He didn't lash out on Louis for the same reason, till now he doesn't know their full story of what actually happened. There must be something happened which should have pushed Louis to do the things which he had done. Seeing his homies completely devastated and sad, doesn't help him either.

Their story was too much to take in that he is afraid of falling for someone. That's exactly when Liam came into his life. The boy who had his attention right from the moment he saw him in the picture which his best friend sent him when he asked for the campus pictures. Gosh, just by the thought of him Zayn was a blushing mess.

The interaction between them started awkward and stammering but it was broken on the same night. No, nothing dirty. They were roommates so they talked throughout the night. It was kind of... nice. It was a feeling he didn't know he desperately needed until he got the taste of it.

Zayn had many flings here and there but never once he got this fleeting butterflies and electric sparks. He wanted to get to know this feeling but he is scared. He is scared that what if it's only him who is feeling this way? What if he was not what Liam had expected? What if Liam was just being friendly? What if...? Whatever it is, now that he has lost his chances it doesn't matter. He let out a groan but the stupid blush didn't leave his face as the puppy eyes and beautiful smile of Liam's didn't leave his mind.

"Ew! See you blush is such a disgusting sight, you know?"

Zayn looked beside him to see the owner of the voice. Harry sat beside him with his signature smirk.

"Whatever you are talking about!" The older boy rolled his eyes and kept his straight face to cover up his flushed cheeks.

"Oh please, I know that straight face. We have known that you're anything but straight!" Harry bumped his shoulders with Zayn playfully and laughed at his joke. That's when the latter took a better look at the boy next to him, even though he has a teasing smile on his lips it didn't reach his eyes. They were sad and glossy.

"Enough teasing, kid! You okay?" Zayn put an arm around Harry's shoulder in a brotherly manner. Harry leaned in and sighed, he so hoped Zayn doesn't notice anything off with him. He doesn't like it when he has to lie.

"I'm fine, Zee! Just a little tired. Are you sure that you're okay? 'Cause, you look a little lost puppy." Harry just wasn't used to this unusual silent Zayn, at least not when it comes to him.

"It's just..." Zayn sighed before continuing, "Liam and I got into a fight..?" It came out more like a question when it was supposed to be a statement.

"What the hell did you do?!" Harry narrowed his eyes and half yelled.

"What makes you think that it's because of something I did? You don't even know what happened!"

Harry gave Zayn 'are you kidding me' kind of look before shifting so that he could look at the latter properly.

"Exactly, I don't know what happened but I very well know you. You sitting here alone with a stupid frown and pout tells me that you did something and the guilt is slowly taking over. Now you spill the beans you've been hiding, you moron!"

Zayn was completely speechless. Whatever Harry said was right. Sometimes it's scary how well one knows the other, the feelings are mutual though.

"Okay so..." Zayn scratched the back of his head, "I was craving for some sweets this morning so I went out to the nearest store to buy some candies and stuff." Harry looked confused but nodded to continue anyway.

"So... When I went back to my dorm room, there was a boy named Charlie? I don't remember. He and Liam were laughing over something. I remember Liam saying some boy asked for his help in the college work but my mind didn't process the whole thing at that moment. The next thing I know, I kicked that guy's ass off, gave him a black eye and threatened him not to even look at Liam's way ever after. Then you can connect the dots. Now Liam wouldn't even look at me!"

Zayn tried to sound as guilty as possible but he knows he's not even a bit bothered by his earlier stunts. He looked up to see his best friend who was trying so hard not to laugh but failed miserably.

"Y-You.. sure a-are whipped f-for Liam!" Harry declared in between his laughs as Zayn's cheeks flushed but glared at his best friend. "But on the serious note, you should just try to explain yourself to Li. You momentarily let your jealousy get over you. I'm sure he will understand because trust me he looks just as whipped you are."

Harry smiled and was happy for Zayn. Finally, his best friend started to see someone for him. Yes, he does remember thinking Zayn and Liam together as roommates were such a bad idea but one should be lying to themselves when they see those dummies together and doesn't consider them cute. Harry was relieved that Zayn is now focusing on his life instead of babysitting his depressed friend. That's the guilt which he would forever carry around because he feels like he is holding Zayn back from the things which he could possibly achieve.

"You think so?" There was hope in Zayn's voice.

"I know so. Besides, wouldn't it be wonderful for me to share some of your messiest photos with Liam?" I smiled sweetly as Zayn's eyes widened and attacked me with a pleading laugh.

.

Even after hours of teasing and encouragement, Zayn wasn't convinced that he should be the one to break the ice and talk with Liam even though he knows that he should so Harry had to kick him in his ass, for real, and chase him away.

The dusk slowly started to show itself but instead of the bright mix of colours, it was twirling with black clouds. Harry was still at the place where he talked with Zayn and seeing the sky above, he knows the black sky will be pouring out devilishly soon and he had to leave the place to safe himself from soaking.

But he was stuck in his place, the bright green eyes were beaming at the black clouds which slowly covers the clear ones. The episode he had before was long forgotten and something clicked inside him.

The clouds teared up and started letting the small droplets of water out as a silly smile broke into Harry's lips. He stood up and started running towards the path his heart guided him, to make his angel's wish come true.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
